The first thing I thought when I read this was "oh sh*t.. I'm not am I?" Then my second thought was "Yep, I totally was!" and my third thought was that I needed to build a time machine stat, to go back and punch 5 year ago me in the face for being one of those annoying w@nkers who write status updates that are vague and hankering for some attention.
In my defence, the status makes perfect sense to me now and I believe I was writing it as a statement not a line to get 100 comments of "are you ok?" "whats wrong" "you are too beautiful to be angry……"
Stay with me, I'm slowly getting to the point of this blog entry. You see five years ago I was really chubby and unhappy with myself. I had been doing Jenny Craig previously for about 4 months and had lost a lot of weight but I just couldn't afford to pay for meals for myself and separate food for the family. I was feeling really down and looking for a quick fix but nothing was working. All I was doing was dieting then binging.
I was at an engagement party when I ran into a guy who the last time I had seen him (6 months before) had really stacked on the weight. Standing in front of me was probably the best version of him, I had ever seen. He was looking really good and seemed really happy with himself. I told him that he looked great and asked what he had been doing in front of quite a few people and he just said "you know, working hard". Later on he came up to me when we were by ourselves and started talking to me about the medication he had started for weight loss and how he had lost nearly 4kg a week with no exercise and it was amazing. At first I thought he was actually trying to sell me drugs because he was all hush hush… "Im like, so is this medication legal……and are you going to go take your diet pill right now off a hookers bum cheek…"
He then asked me if I had a history of heart problems in my family and when I said I didn't, he spent half an hour trying to convince me to jump onboard.
He then told me the only catch is, that I would probably have to go to a bulk billing practise and book in with the least Australian sounding doctor possible, the more asian sounding the better (and i don't mean this in a racist way at all).
So I left the party with the name of this miracle medication and the name of a doctor to go and get it through.
The name of the drug/medication was "Duromine".I had actually heard of this drug before from my husband, who told me a story about a guy who had lost a shit load of weight from it because it made his heart race, hence his body was burning calories without trying. My husband had told me it seemed like a stupid and dangerous thing to try, but like most things my husband says to me, I wanted to make my own mind up on it…
"Don't eat that, it will make you sh#t fire for days… "pfft let me see about that", "Those rocks are really sharp, I would probably put shoes on, Pfft my feet are pretty tough let me see about that" " I wouldn't go in there, it stinks, give it 5 minutes or grab an oxygen mask… Pfft, I'm busting, I will be fine….. (pass out instantly).
I really should have maybe done some research before seeing a doctor, but I thought the doctor would have my best interests at heart. My visit to the doctors had red flags all over it, but I didn't seem to notice at that stage, or maybe I did but I didn't care.
I had this plan in my head that I was going to go in and say that I was feeling depressed and down because I was struggling with my weight and I was looking at trying duromine to help me with this battle.
When I got into my appointment, my doctor barely spoke english. He kinda just pointed and said broken sentences. I told him my story of feeling depressed and that I was so sick of being overweight and it was getting me down. He just kept nodding and then pointed to the scales.
Apparently I was obese from my weight and height distribution and he pointed at me and said "you obese, yes you qualify". He then wrote out the script and that was it.
I'm just going to point out a few things right now, that I learnt after I finished my 2 month course of duromine. Firstly, depression is a side effect and it clearly states that it is not to be given to anyone who has had depression, suffers from depression or has tendency to feel down. My whole story to get it was that I was depressed and sad. Secondly before anyone can qualify for duromine they need to have their blood pressure and heart rate taken because if you have high blood pressure or any type of heart problems this drug could kill you. This doctor didn't even ask me if I had a risk of heart disease in my family and he did not take my blood pressure or any stats other than getting me to stand on the scales. So basically for the 2 months I took it, I was pretty much a ticking time bomb that may or may not go off. Thirdly you are to start off with the smallest dose and then be reviewed every month and increase if needed. I was given the highest dose and 3 months worth PLUS a repeat script!!
I was pretty chuffed with how easy it had been to get the medication and was very excited to see what it could do for me.
The information in the box with the duromine told me that I could experience the following side effects
None of these registered as anything to worry about, so I jumped in straight away. The only instruction I had to follow, was to take it first thing when I woke up, or otherwise I would not sleep at all that night.
After the first week I had lost 4kg but I was definitely having trouble sleeping. My worst side effect was definitely the dry mouth. I had to give a talk at work and I had to basically sip on water every couple of sentences, my tounge felt like it was a baby kitten nesting in my mouth and it was a horrible sensation BUT I could deal with that, knowing I had lost 4kg.
The second week was when things started to really turn to sh*t. At the time the 7 year old was two and a half and he had pretty much gone through those two and a half years of life, with maybe being yelled at once and even that would be pushing it. I am a pretty calm person and don't lose it or yell, but for some reason I was seriously evolving into a female version of the hulk. All someone had to do was look at me sideways and I would feel this deep down burst of anger and lose it.
I was constantly angry and its a feeling that burns in the pits of your stomach. I was fighting with my husband over nothing and he kept saying "who are you???" I honestly had no control over my emotions and my moods. I just had this constant feeling of being majorly pissed off.
The alarm would go off - send me into a rage
My toast burnt a little - send me into a rage
It was hot outside in the sun - send me into a rage
Husband would open his mouth to speak - send me into a rage...
You get the point
By week 5 I had lost 10kg and gained the rage of a thousand hulks on their period. The funny thing was, I knew I was being irrational but I couldn't control myself. I was also feeling constantly light headed with major headaches and I was as weak as a newborn baby. Even going to work made me feel like I had just run a marathon.
Just shy of 2 months I had a moment which basically snapped me back to reality and made me throw my remaining box of duromine in the bin, as well as the version of myself, that I never wanted to see again.
It all came about when I was trying to get the two and a half year old to put his shoes on to go to the shops and he couldn't get his shoe on his foot. I just lost it at him and screamed in his face (an image that still makes me feel sick in my guts to this day). I just kept screaming at him to hurry up and then I just picked up his shoe and pegged it out the door. I was so furious I just wanted to punch the wall! How dare he not be able to put his shoe on!!! The look on his face was what snapped me out of the moment. He looked absolutely terrified, as if I was going to throw him out the door next and was cowering saying "sorry mumma, sorry mumma".
I just burst into tears and hugged him and kissed him and kept saying sorry to him.
I stopped taking duromine that day and no word of a lie, it took me about 8 months to stop the feeling of anger inside of me. Each month it got less and less but it didn't happen over night. I honestly thought it would just stop when I stopped taking it, but after doing research into the side effects, it can stay in your system for a very long time.
I read so many stories of marriages breaking up due to people taking this drug, as their partners could not stand their new personality/mood.
I even read stories from family members of people who had committed suicide from taking this weigh loss drug. Stories of people never going back to the way they once were, scared the life out of me.
I vowed at that moment that I would never take a medicated approach to weight loss ever again. I would rather be a big mumma, then a shit one and for those 2 months that I took duromine I was an absolute disgusting human being.
I thought I would put my experience out there for those that read this blog, in the hope that they don't make the same mistake as me in looking for that magical pill/quick fix. Another reason why I am loving this Fructose Free lifestyle!
I'm now off to devise our menu for the week and prepare to get my footy grand final on!!
I also found a sugar free recipe for nutella donuts (obviously its not the nutella we know of, but it promises huge things) Will post recipe and review in my next blog entry.
Happy School Holidays Over Day