Have you ever met one of those people that you just want to fly kick straight to the face, the instant you meet them? One of those people who seems hell bent on being an a-hole for no reason at all. Well today I met one of them. Well actually I had met her once before, but today I met the real her.
The back story to me wanting to fly kick a random in the face, came about from me agreeing to meet up with some friends and old mate just happened to be there too. From the moment I got there, I could feel her looking at me and making her way closer and closer to where I was standing.
Some finger foods were served and straight away she said "Oh don't give any to thebigmum over there, its full of sugar". I just laughed and said " thanks, for the heads up!" Then she said, " you do realise that all foods have sugar in them, so that pretty much means you can only live off water and lettuce". This was followed by some fake laugh, that was meant to make everything seem not offensive.
I wasn't sure how to take her or what to make of this passive aggressive conversation, but I'm not an idiot and can tell when someone is trying to have a go at me.
So I said, "lucky i'm giving up fructose then."
She then said " actually I've read your blog, a lot of your recipes have fructose, so your not even giving that up either"
I replied with " thanks for taking the time to read my blog but I'm no Saint of Fructose, I try to keep it at 3 teaspoons a day max, but usually its less than that." I then decided that I needed to explain myself even further, instead of just shutting my mouth and said "usually from fruit or a natural ingredient but nothing processed".
She then said "So your not actually giving up fructose then"
I got that little snapping feeling inside me, the feeling that makes me want to say "What the fruc?? I don't really know you, I came here to catch up with friends, not argue with you, so sit down and shut up before I fly kick you in the ovaries". Instead I took the high road and said "read into it how you will!" I then walked to the opposite side of the room (which isn't very far when you are in a 3m by 3m area) and tried to join in another conversation, but I was fuming.
One of my mates, who had heard the whole thing came over and whispered "What the actual??" I was like "yeh I know, seriously??" For some reason, we both just got the giggles, but because of all that built up tension and anger instead of a dainty giggle I did one of those rip roaring pig snort laughs that was way too loud, which then made my friend crack up more, which led to everyone asking what was so funny?
What do you say to that? "Oh we are just having a laugh at the way old turd-face over there hit me up about my blog/fructose free lifestyle". Of course you can't say that, so I replied with, "Oh we are just laughing at a story about something one of my kids did"… Great!!!! Say something that totally leads into another question…. Luckily for me, my kids always do random weird stuff, so I didnt really have to tell a total lie.
About 30minutes later, old mate approached me again and this time with "I'm sorry if I came across as rude, but I just think your blog is a little misinformed in some areas…"
It was at that point I could have made the mature decision to listen and maybe even learn something but instead I just said "thats a nice story" and got my shit and left.
Thats where that entry got left at...
I went on a little bit of a binge today. I was having a really crap day. The kids were being naughty, I was really really tired, I had played two games of oztag, as well as going to bootcamp. The trigger of my mini meltdown, was over the 7 year old making a mess. The only difference between this mess and all the other messes he makes every other day, was that I had just explained to him how tired I was and how I am sick of cleaning up rubbish. He decided this was a good time to start on an art project that required him cutting up lots of paper and leaving it on the ground.
It wasn't a "lets go on a sugar binge" because I feel hungry or because I need something sweet. It was a <insert swear word> let me sabotage myself, to make myself feel even worse.
We don't have any sugar products in our house, but I did have a block of dark chocolate that I use for cooking ( well I did, until I ate the whole block). I then got my mittens on a bag of glucose sherbet lolly pops, that were left over from Halloween. I ate all of them until my mouth felt like it had ulcers. I then went to the bar fridge in my husbands shed and grabbed a can of coke to have with a packet of Doritos. The coke tasted like sh*t, but I didn't care. For the record, I also ate a packet of tiny teddies that I found at the bottom of the pantry ( I'm pretty sure these were stale). I helped them go down with a litre of milk (milk was a bad choice after that coke). My stomach was churning and I seriously wanted to spew. The feeling of guilt was much worse then the upset stomach.
Some days I feel invicible. Like I have come so far and that I don't need chocolate and sugar to be happy. I feel proud that I don't want it, but other days I feel like I'm missing something and that something might make me feel better.
This time it had nothing to do with any of that. It was all about self sabotage. After my binge of random crap, it didn't take me long to realise how much of a d*ck I was being. The plus side to me being a rotten pig, was that I did actually learn something from this experience ( and no it wasn't that sherbet lollypops take the skin from the inside of your mouth or that a whole block of dark chocolate is horrific or that coke and milk don't mix well at all). I learnt that some days things will go ass up buts stuffing my face won't make me feel any better.
Next time I have a bad day I…..
Annnnd funnily enough, thats where I ended that last blog entry. Was I just about to write the wisest words known to mankind???? Hmm maybe not, but we will never know now ha!
Today I decided to make some lamingtons for the kids lunch boxes and also for the husband. After purchasing all the ingredients, it came to $14.35. Usually I wouldn't have to purchase every ingredient, but I hadn't checked the pantry and didn't want to go all the way back to the shops.
The thing that really got to me, was that I saw lamingtons at Woolies for $3. THREE BLOODY DOLLARS… Yes I know that they have sugar and preservatives in them, but it takes away the enjoyment and satisfaction when you think you paid more for the bloody dextrose, then the actual whole packet of lamingtons. It also hurts when you have to cook, clean and in my case, burn the ass off your food.
Its not just the lamingtons, its everything when it comes to being healthy. I remember when I started this journey, being told my shopping bill will become less and less when I start getting a collection of ingredients. However I'm finding my bills slowly creeping up. I spent $60 on 3 bags of nuts last week because I needed them in my cooking.
We barely ever purchase meat anymore, since the hubby went vegan, so I can't even blame the price rise on meat. However when you pay $7 for a punnet of strawberries or $15 for a bag of grapes, then it does start to add up.
In case you just read that and thought, well fruit has lots of fructose, so you shouldn't be buying it. I make sure my children have 2 serves of fruit a day and my husband isn't a fan of the not eating fruit thing and he eats it non stop.
At the end of the day, most people will say "Can you put a price on being healthy??" The answer of course is "no". If I was to say I would rather make my own stuff then buy it in a shop, I would be full of sh*t and a liar. I constantly struggle with spending quality time with my family and the truth is, making things from scratch takes a hell of a lot of time. I try and involve the children in my cooking, but I don't really find it enjoyable watching the 1 year old throw shit off the bench or try and pour out the spices. I don't really find it enjoyable watching the 7 year old put a whole egg shell in my piklets or spilling liquid all down the thermomix, as he tries to pour it into the bowl.
I find running around outside enjoyable, I find cuddling up on the couch watching Peppa Pig and Scooby Doo enjoyable. I find going to the park and being attacked by Geese and pelicans enjoyable.
I mentally argue with myself all the time, for not giving my children the time they deserve. With work, sporting commitments, after school sports for the kids, training, homework, getting dinner ready and bath time.. the day seems to be gone before you know it.
I don't know if its because I've struggled with food all my life, that I don't get enjoyment in sitting down and enjoying a nice meal together. I don't get satisfaction in going "here kids, I made these lamingtons for you" Obviously its a good feeling knowing they enjoy it (if they enjoy it) but I find more satisfaction in saying "lets go throw the ball around".
I have tried to combat this by using Sundays as my baking day and baking enough for the whole week, but I tend to lose my mojo and want to spend my days off, not being in the kitchen.
Don't get me wrong, I do feel happy knowing that the kids are getting no additives or preservatives. I do feel happy knowing that they only meet their daily sugar allowance through fruit. I do feel happy knowing I am making a difference to their health.
I remind myself of this, every time I look at the mountain of washing up from just making some new recipe I have found on the net.
I remind myself of this, every time I look out from the kitchen and see them both watching t.v, even though I want to be with them outside.
Being a mum is hard sometimes, I just hope I'm doing the right thing.
So there you have it!! 3 different blog entries that I had saved as drafts during the last week and a bit. Completely different state of minds whilst writing them. Good times, bad times and in between.
I have always said I write this blog to be accountable and that I will always be honest, even if it doesn't put me in the best light.
I want to share my ups and downs and some kick arse recipes, however I also need to balance life, work and being a good mum to my two beautiful children and if time permits a good wife (I kid husband!!)
I haven't been very spontaneous with my cooking this week and have just rehashed old recipes. So go through my old recipes and have a look and see if anything meets your fancy. I will post my newest recipes when the kids let me have some peace.
Happy Saturday and enjoy your weekend with those you love the most