Yesterday evening, I went on a glucose rampage. To be honest the rampage had been building all week! It started with the coconut crack. Yes that little bastard certainly lived up to his name. I started eating it way more than I should have, but it was cool, as I kept telling myself it was my only treat. Then this week, shit got real with the addition of the fructose free caramel popcorn to the family. Everytime I opened the fridge it was basically flirting with me. Beconing me to eat it. So I did! For the record it tasted so bloody good, that I ate a little more. Then there was the marshmallows sitting there looking all rejected, so Idid what any kind hearted person would do, I ate it too. Then yesterday when tasting the rice malt snaps, I found out that I may have confused the word "tasted" with the word " annihilated". Don't judge me, it happens all the time, well on Seaseme street anyway. The previous night (Sunday) I had a really bad sleep, the 1 year old was sick and the only way to get her to sleep was to let her lay on my chest. My alarm went off before I knew it, screaming at me to get my ass out of bed and get to my PT session. That was actually a good thing! The exercise woke me up and gave me an adrenaline hit that kept me going till lunch. My day was filled with cooking and cleaning and washing up and then by the time I picked up the 6 year old, the 1 year old was sad, sick and sorry for herself as well as being tired and grumpy. Her temp was back and she just needed cuddles. I myself had a heap of work to catch up on, and the thought of not getting it completed by the deadline, was stressing me out. I knew there was no way I would get to it, with a 1 year old clipped onto my hip. So I did what any person with a screaming 1 year old, a deadline of work hanging over her head and a feeling of tiredness mixed with stress would do! I ate. Ok when I say I ate, I mean I gorged!! First went the fructose free caramel popcorn, then the marshmallows, then the popcorn again. Then the malt syrup biscuits, then the coconut crack and the marshmallows back for round 3. What In the fructose free fook was I doing!?!? It was insane, it was definitely a binge! I felt disgusting afterwards! So full and literally like I wanted to be sick. I kept telling myself it's okay it's not fructose... Pfft a binge is a binge and I've been wanting more of the sweeter fructose free treats since I started making them. I felt so dirty, like I had just wrecked all my good work. I knew it wasn't in the league of bingeing on the bad stuff but I still didn't want to get into the habit of being a glucose bandit.
So there it is ladies and gentleman of the jury. I did it, I murdered 3 bags of caramel popcorn, 7 pieces of marshmallow, 2 pieces of coconut crack and half a rice malt syrup snap in the space of 15min on Monday afternoon. For this and being ridiculously good looking, I plead guilty.
So what am I taking away from this, other than blue teeth ( yeh seriously after eating all that marsmallow it looked like I had also eaten a smurf). I have learnt that I still need to practise restraint and not be an emotional eater. I need to channel these emotions into other things like stalking ex's on facebook and watching Geordie Shore re-runs... Or not!
This needed to happen to give me a little wake up call. That by indulging in the sweeter treats here and there and not treating it as an actual " treat", I was falling back into the choosing sweets over savoury habit. To be honest it was also easier to grab one of these treats than muck around making a snack. They were sitting there readily available and didn't require any prep. I guess this means I'm going to have to put more thought and effort into preparing more savoury on the run snacks/dishes.
The funny thing is, that in that moment I never actually felt like eating any of those treats. I wasn't hungry for them or craving them, it was more like an old habit. "Oh I'm stressed and tired, better eat my weight in blue marshmallow then". I would be lying if I said it wasn't delicious and I didn't enjoy it in the moment, because I did. But it wasn't a hunger binge like " I NEED SWEETS NOW. It was more a EAT EVERYTHING TO RELIEVE STRESS kinda moment.
So here's to a new day, learning from my mistakes and continuing being fructose free and hopefully getting the blue stain off my teeth so people don't think I've lost my shit and have started snacking on those blue toilet cake things... Pretty sure they are sugar free though....
I haven't touched any fructose free treats all day today (TUESDAY) and I spent the majority of last night cleaning up spew and cuddling a sick 1 year old. So tired is an understatement! No excuses, just moving forward! No cooking today as having someone vomit constantly on you, kinda puts you off food.. leftovers for us it is!