YEP 1 YEAR FRUCTOSE FREE BABY
Ok, lets settle down with the caps lock before someone gets an eye poked out.
How the bloody hell did the chick who would order dessert before a main, end up going 365 days or to make it even more impressive 525600 minutes or wait for it 3.154e+7 seconds…yeh I see that e and + sign… (I think it means a lot).
I would love to be able to say that not a grain of sugar crossed these lips in the last year, but that would make me full of sh*t and not sugar. The truth is, that I did have a bit of sugar here and there but thats what makes me even prouder of my success. The very occasional piece of sugar (that may have come in the form of a can of canadian club and dry) was never enough to push me back into the land of all things sugar. I never got my cravings back and I never was taken over by the urge to go back to my old lifestyle.
To say it was easy would be a complete lie. The detox was an absolute mofo but the hardest thing, was other peoples attitude towards this lifestyle change. For some reason people seem to feel as though my children and at times myself were missing out on the most important things in the world, sugar. However you live and you learn and some days I wanted to fly kick people in the face and other days I wanted to hug the absolute crap out of them for making me a fructose free dessert or just for having faith in my choices and supporting me 110 percent.
This blog has been an absolute god send.
Even though I have been a slack turd lately, as I have been putting a little bit more effort into life, into my kids, my husband, my job and even being a house wife (yeh vomit I know). I am still constantly wanting to share my day, my week or even a moment with people who I have never met in my life, nor will ever meet in my life. You, the people who read my blog. I know your out there because I see the stats each week letting me know how many thousands of you have checked in and probably given me the finger at the screen for not updating (my bad).
Seeing these numbers, makes me want to be the best fructose free version I can be. It also allows me to be real. I read so many other sugar free blogs and basically I seem to be the only one who is :
a) not a supermodel
b) not a professional photographer
c) doesn't have an unlimited grocery budget
d) is not pushing for you to buy something or other.
e) doesn't have her sh*t together
This is me and my little fam bam and its 100 percent legit.
So to celebrate 1 year of being fructose free Im giving you the down low on what it has taken me all year to figure out. Bits and pieces I have learnt on this journey. Think of it as my gift to you (yeh crappy gift I know).
1 - Dont ever tell people that you are qutting "sugar", especially on public forums because you will get a ridiculous amount of hate thrown at you. You are not infact not quitting sugar, you are quitting fructose. Lesson learnt the hard way when I posted a "sugar free" recipe and was basically told that I was going to kill everyone on the forum …. my bad.
2- Posting a recipe on a site where everyone shares recipes and labelling it fructose free will cause your recipe to get the most amount of comments of people fighting over glucose and dextrose and if you should be quitting fructose. Hey guys, I came here to share a kickass recipe, not get torn to shreds and then some.
3 - If detox was a person I would punch them in the baby maker. Seriously its the only thing in this journey that makes it or breaks it. I promise you 100 percent, that if you can get through the detox period, then the whole quitting fructose thing is completely in your grasp. You just have to get out there and put a bit of effort into grabbing it.
4 - No matter how much of a sugar addict you think you are, you can beat this. I am probably the worst person to give advice on beating an addiction because I have never smoked or taken drugs (that craziness is all me) but if my daily meal plan consisted of all things sweet and if I would save all my weight watchers points for chocolate paddle pops and milky ways, then I think I am more then qualified to say this. It is possible, you just have to push through that a**hole detox and bam its a year later and you are winning at life!!
5 - Fruit is not the cocaine of the fructose free world… the good sh*t that you are meant to stay away from. Fruit when your detoxing is definitely a no no, but anytime after that fruit can be a good thing. As long as you stick to only 2 pieces a day and obviously some fruits have more fructose then others but fruit is not something to be scared of.
6 - Being Fructose Free is being FREE, you are not a slave to sugar. Those urges to fill up your belly with sugar will go away. You can sit in front of a cake and admire the cake but not actually want to smash your face into it and eat it. True story.
7 - Fruit juice is actually evil. The best you could do, would be to juice your own fruit (but only 2 pieces max) and make sure you eat the fleshy bits. I try and have my fruit serve every second day as an orange juiced for my breakfast.
8 - Being Fructose Free means not being hungry. This is not the traditional diet where you are starving yourself. I have never once felt like I have gone to bed on an empty stomach.
9 -Fact!! Our body does needs sugar (namely glucose) to function. But it doesn’t need the immense quantities that most people eat every day. Almost all packet foods have added sugar! The amount of sugar most packaged foods have is astronomical, so making your own food is the way to go. That way you can see what goes into it. Down side… washing up for dayzzzz.
10 - So what the hell is fructose anyway? Fructose is a turd because our bodies don't really respond to fructose in the same way it does to glucose. It basically turns off the switch in our bodies that would let us know when we are full, so we will definitely over indulge. Like that time I ate a 2kg jar of nutella in one sitting. Another True story. Fructose also converts into fat… Such an a$$hole!
11 - Your tastebuds are going to change completely when you quit sugar. I can not even touch coke now. It tastes like syrup to me. Even chocolate just tastes plain old wrong.
12 - You don't need to exercise to keep the weight off but you will lose your tone and your fitness if you stop exercising completely. A lesson I learnt the hard way. I was so stoked that I was losing weight without running my ring off, that I didnt notice my arms losing tone. It wasn't until I started getting short of breath playing tiggy with the kids (tiggy is code for running after them to get them in the freaking bath) that I realised my fitness went from 10 to 5.
13 - You can still be social when quitting fructose, you just need to educate yourself on what you can and can't have. The meat, veges and chips are always the safest bet, but the sauces will always be a big no!
14 - Whether its your first time or your 50th time, asking a shop assistant, waiter or chef, if a menu item contains sugar, will still make you feel like a massive d*ck. The people you are asking, will probably roll their eyes and say "it shouldn't but it could have"… standard answer you will get that translates to "who gives a fruc, just eat it"
15 - - Somethimes lying and saying you can't have fructose will get you better results, but then you run the risk of your husband saying straight after your spiel to the waiter, "she is lying she isn't actually". This is your que to put all your strength into a under the table kick straight at the man parts.
16 - Vodka, lime and soda water tastes so much better when your tastebuds are accustomed to no sugar.
17 - Going sugar free involves a fruc load of washing up. Like more washing up then you have ever imagined in your life
18- Not to mention cooking. If you suck at cooking (like me) then you will learn pretty quickly how to cook or you will learn even quicker what throwing away $40 of ingredients feels like
19 - Rice Malt Syrup and Dextrose will soon become your best friends. They can turn any sugar dish into a version that you can have. Some you can't even tell the difference and others will get comments like "this is better than the sugar one" or "what the hell is this crap"… but usualy its the first one.
20 - FYI : Dextrose is a sugar substitute that it is pure glucose and your body can break it down. It replaces anything that asks for sugar in my baking and it has made the children's lunch boxes come alive. Rice Malt Syrup is a sticky honey like substitute. It does the job in your cooking where you need a syrup substitute. I could kiss these two ingredients for changing my life (get a room…)
21 - Dextrose and Rice Malt syrup are still once in a while treats. I found that since adding them to my pantry, my once in a while treat, was becoming a little more frequent. Be careful with these little beauties.
22 - Your skin looks and feels so much better when quitting sugar. I really noticed this for myself. However when I was indulging in a few dextrose laden treats, I noticed my skin did start to react to it. I will often get comments now that my skin looks really nice… nek minute Ive had a sneaky beverage with fructose and i'm back to looking like I should be in grade 12.
23 - Will power is your best weapon. Before quitting sugar, I always thought I had bloody good willpower. Since quitting sugar, I know that if you can say no when you are detoxing off sugar, you can say no to anything. If you can also go without killing anyone during this period, you can put up with any idiot full stop.
24 - After a while, it has nothing to do with willpower, you just don't want it. People will comment on how strong your willpower is and you secretly think to yourself… "hmm where was that willpower today when i spent $300 at Lorna Jane"?? Pfft sugar is a piece of cake...
25 - You become really adventurous with food when quitting sugar. You try things that you would usually vomit in your mouth over. Sometimes you will still probably vomit in your mouth, but there is so many things out there, you are now willing to try, to replace sugar.
26 - Your kids will struggle just as much as you do at the start. However they will cope. They detox just like you do and things get better.
27 - Cacao powder tastes like satans bum to kids. It never gets better ever. Just use cocoa powder and save yourself the hassle. (word.to.your.mother)
28 - Cacao powder is the answer to making things taste like chocolate!! Its a sugar free dream come true. Where has it been all my life?
29 - You will do a lot of poos and they will stink. All of a sudden you will be the man in the house in this area (unless your husband is a vegan, then you have no chance of competing with that )
30- You will spend a lot of your time researching different sugar free recipes, blogs and websites but then you will find your niche and your favourites and your kids will no longer be feeding your cooking to the dog or scrunching up their face every time you ask them to have a taste.
31 - You will follow people like David Gillespie on Facebook and actually read links that he posts, over watching a link your friend posted of a dog wearing a wetsuit drinking beer. David Gillespie is my go to guru.
32 - You will find lots of recipes that are sponsored by companies and these recipes will have rave reviews, however you will soon discover the difference between a sponsored recipe and one that generally receives good feedback. I have been asked to promote certain products but due to me not being able to censor my opinions, I would most likely end up being sued for deflamation.
33 - Kids are really harsh critics, as they haven't developed the whole "caring about your feelings so we will pretend its ok" thing going. They will tell you the truth no matter how many hours you have spent slaving away in the kitchen, this means nothing to them.
34 - Going cold turkey can work! It did for me. I have the type of personality, that if I would have slowly weaned myself off sugar, it would never have happened. I had to go hard or go home. Dont be scared to do things your way.
35 - Reading the sugar content on labels will become second nature. and a year down the track you won't be reading labels because you will no what you can and can't have. No 4 hour shopping trips for me.
36 - You will become a maths whiz at dividing any number by four to discover how many teaspoons of sugar is in the product.
37 - You will only shop in 3 isles of the whole grocery store.
38 - No matter how big your apron is, you will still always wipe your hands on your clothes or on your ass. You will then take your apron off and go out in public looking like a dirty grub and run into people you don't want to see.
39 - Fats are good. I never thought I would say that. I was always a "fat free" kinda girl. However I'm now drinking full cream milk, cheeses and cream and I don't feel like committing a sin.
40 - Lemon in water is just that little somethin somethin, to trick your mind into thinking you are drinking something fancy, especially when detoxing.
41 - 2 year olds love sugar more than you think is even possible. They know exactly which isles contain chocolate and will make your life absolutely hell every time you go to the shops with them.
42 -Your kids will constantly surprise you. Last week we went to a party and at the lolly buffet the 7 year old choose two lollies and then filled his bag with novelty items.. The 2 year old went for the hard stuff but only chose 3 things which was also surprising. Give them the chance to show you how far they have come. Don't always expect the worst and take over.
43 - Travelling can be hard, especially when you have servo stops. Expect deep fried over sugar and your going to feel all types of nasty for doing it.
44 - Writing a blog about quitting sugar keeps you very accountable. At Easter I seriously felt like I was being watched and judged at the checkout.. that was probably people death staring me for swearing at an 80 year old (see last blog entry if you are having a WTF moment)
45 - Using the word "sugar mum" in your blog name, will ensure you get multiple requests daily to hook african males up with a sugar mumma. My current record is 68 messages from men looking for love in one day. I like to send them my fav recipes and tell them that cooking this will have all the ladies lining up at their door.
46 - When posting photos of your progress shots, clean up the background of your photo's. In all my pics, the bed is never made and there are kids toys on the ground… at least I'm consistent..
47 -Having the support of your husband is the best gift you could imagine, however when your husband is a vegan and has very specific ideas about fruit and dairy, battle lines will be drawn.
48 - Telling your children to taste your latest concoction, will one day be used against you in a court of law.
49 - Telling your husband to taste your latest sugar free concoction will often lead to 101 questions about what is in it, are the ingredients organic and am I going to die?
50 - Nothing feels better than opening your pantry or fridge and seeing containers of your Sunday bake ups.
51 - People will tell you that this is just another fad diet. That you are doing more damage then good to your body and that in 10 years time, research will come out saying how giving up sugar causes cancer and that you are slowly killing your kids… resist the urge to fly kick these people in the face
52 - No matter how you try and present your baking, nothing can cover up the burnt parts… dammit!
53- People will never cater for you at parties, social gatherings etc so get used to it. However when they do, praise the sh*t out of that person. Hold a parade in their honour, build a statue of them…that person is a keeper.
54 - This is in no means offensive, but you are part of the minority and if someone is baking for a birthday they aren't going to change plans for that one little dic$head who has decided to quit sugar. But hey, who wants cake anyway??
55 - BYO! Solve the problem. If you really feel like you are missing out, then bring your own dishes. Enlighten them on what they are missing out on. The funny thing is sugar free dishes go just as fast as their sugar laden brother.
56 - Going out for drinks is easy. You just have to be prepared to go chemical sweeteners with your spirits or stick to the old vodka, lime and soda water. Be prepared for people to offer you wine. People will always tell you wine doesn't contain much sugar. Most wines don't list sugar content on their labels… Wine = Hangover of death for me, so I stay clear
57 - Having a treat is not the end of the world. The fact you can have a treat and not enjoy it as much as you used to, is a credit to how far you have come. Don't let one little hiccup get you down.
58 - Lastly making the decision to be fructose free will be the best decision of your life, even better than that time you decided to bring your own bottle of vodka to the races and not spending a single cent the whole day.
59 - I couldn't leave it at 58… it felt wrong so I have to push 2 more out to get it to sixty.
60 - Annnnd we are at 60… go team!
There you are.. some wisdom from the mum of two children with a vegan husband, who spends half a year away at work. A mum who can't take a picture of food like the magazines and who also forgets to take a photo half the time because she is such a piglet and has devoured half the plate. A mum who burns the absolute sh*t out of half the things she bakes and who has more failures then success. A mum who has lost friends over this lifestyle (we weren't that close anyway) and who has made friends from all over the world from this blog (and no I didnt become a sugar mumma to 2000 Nigerian men… tempting though).
I want to say thanks to David Gillespie for inspiring me on this journey. His books were the only thing that made sense to me, when I really had no idea what I was doing.
I want to thank all the people who went to the effort to send me private messages. The message I received today from one lady actually made me a little teary. From the bottom of my heart thank you.
To my husband for supporting me and making me accountable, by stalking me every time I would go near the fridge. Who was like some secret service agent trained to hear the sound of something sweet being consumed. Thank you for putting up with me during detox when I would have sold you to the first person who offered me a jar of nutella.
Thanks to my 7 year old who embraced this lifestyle change with open arms (he had no choice). Who has kept me real and made me laugh. Who has been my harshest critic but also given me the most praise. You are an absolute champion and I am so bloody proud of you.
Thanks to my 2 year old for being the satan of sugar. You have really pushed every button and been like a baby version of Gordon Ramsay. I am sure that your babbles are actually f-bombs and full lectures about how burnt my baking is. For every tantrum you have thrown in the shops, you have filled my heart with even bigger smiles and slowly yet surely you have found your happy balance in this lifestyle. You have taught me that a kinder surprise egg is the be all and end all of your life.
So here I am one year on. A completely different person to who I was when I started. A person that I am proud of and who still has such a long way to go.
Thank you so much to everyone who reads this blog and who supports me by coming back again and again. I hope that you can take a little somethin away from this blog, even if it is not what to do.
With that heres to a brand new week.
May your week be as amazing as you are!!