How bloody hard is it to try and eat healthy and stick to it with a baby/turdler (cross between a turd and a toddler). I mean even without a baby to blame, its still hard. To be honest, I can barely get my shit together and make good decisions when I’m in a fully slept functioning state. I feel like i'm a zombie hunting down brains, but with less hot guys with shoulder length hair... You don’t care who’s brains it is, you just want what you want and this has been my relationship with food for nearly a year. I see it and I need it. I mean why spend time creating a delicious healthy nutrious meal when I can eat a family block of chocolate?? Great role model really.
The funny thing is, I act like it was all ok but I was absolutely hating myself over it, to the point that it was depressing. I would go to bed every single bloody night saying to myself “ tomorrow I’m going to be healthy and I legit would try my best, until something stressed me out ( we all know it’s kids) and I would have this attitude of ‘stuff it, I’ll start tomorrow’ I always seemed to be "Hangry" (hungry and angry for those playing at home). I was fighting these demons in my head constantly. During this pregnancy, I had invested a lot of money in maternity clothes. Therefore it would be silly not to keep wearing them (the lies you tell yourself). So, I kept wearing them and let me tell you, a dress made to flatter a bump does nothing to flatter a muffin top. I basically lived in my stretchy pants and big tops. The amount of times the husband would come into the room and see my whole wardrobe scrunched up on the ground, from me trying to find something I felt comfortable in, was a hell of a lot. It got to the point where I didn’t even bother hanging them back up, just chucked them in the ironing basket, so I could ravage through them again in a weeks time, hoping they would look better on me.
I decided to get back into exercising again because what would be more inspiring then getting out into the beautiful outdoors and walking the baby. What a great idea! What a shit idea thought the baby. Let me sing you the song of my people, while I scream so loud the birds fly off in panic. The only way I could get her to stop screaming was to breast feed her, which in the comfort of your own home or on a chair is fine but out for a jog is not so fine. I mean you are walking on a path, the person in the opposite direction is walking on the path: there is a lot of eye contact and looking as you slowly get closer and closer together. Because you can’t cover your boob in the wind with a blanket and good luck to you pushing the pram with one hand and cradling the baby in the other, it just means a whole lot of awkwardness from the person coming towards you. If it was a female, it was all nods of "you go girl" but if it was a male it was "lord Jesus, my eyes are burning!!" I don’t really have small breasts so to those poor guys coming towards me, they had no option but to try and keep their eyes to the ground, but lets face it, it was like a lighthouse beacon! Look away before you crash into the rocks!!!!!
The screaming baby and public nudity really turned me off exercising outdoors. Not to mention the horror of the 10 year old at the thought of his mum walking next to him showing any skin. He stopped coming for walks pretty quick and when he did walk, he was sprinting off ahead so he didn't have to be associated with the shit show that was coming up the path behind him.
So I was no longer good at or able to really exercise with the baby. I can't even just blame the baby because the 5 year old was also an absolute mongrel in my exercise scheme because after walking for say 5 steps ( no exaggeration) her legs hurt. This meant she had to sit on the front of the pram, which was like pushing a trolley with the crap wheels.. you know the ones where it just wants to veer left. So yeh no support from any of the kids and the husband was just like “ eat healthy, that’s all you need to do!” I won’t tell you what I told him to eat in reply to this comment.
Eating healthy is hard! But when you’ve been a skinny greyhound all your life, you don’t get the struggle. ( no offence to all the skinny greyhounds, keep chasing those rabbits).
So I started getting all my sugar free books out again and looking at recipes. However cooking with a clingy baby was hard and not to mention the time factor of where do I fit in this cooking now that we only have one free afternoon a week free. Why is this? Its because some d#$khead signed up their kids to a stupid amount of extra curricular activities, knowing they would have to drag around a baby. Yep that d#$khead is me!
It became obvious that I couldn’t give the time I used to give to my cooking but I could start making little changes. Cutting back the simple sugars like tomato sauce and my beloved fruitloops. Nothing says mum of the year, then being too lazy to make dinner but giving your kids cereal at night! 5 year old loved me for it but I think I saw the 10 year old googling child protection services.
Some days I felt like I was making some good changes and I must have been doing okay because the 5 year old lost her shit when she saw her strawberry milk tin had been thrown out... thank God for that bottle of Nutella hiding in the back of the pantry that got her through a very tough time.
At the end of the day, I had to think I was doing ok because I was TRYING my best and that’s all we can do. I still wasn’t happy with my body and having the 5 year old constantly grab my belly fat to get my attention wasn’t helping my esteem issues either.
I have always had the mentality that when I want something I go hard and will get it. Hard work and sacrifice don’t scare me and I love a challenge but my mentality had changed to “ when is it bed time??” Living on 3/4 hours sleep was killing me but not being happy with myself was hurting me even more. So I decided to join a gym and enter their overhaul challenge! I got second place (thank you, thank you) but the diet was bloody hard and I was constantly hungry, to the point where I was dreaming about food and stalking food Instagram pages constantly. I was doing a restricted calorie diet with protein and veggie choices. It wasn’t anything like my sugar free living and I didnt want to continue obsessing over food but I constantly was. However the exercise was on point with the crèche dealing with my child and me no longer being a flasher.
I ended up having lunch with a friend who lost about 20kg in about 4 months and we talked about what she was doing because nothing motivates a person more then seeing someone smashing big goals. She was doing Keto which sounded very similar to what I was doing when I was a big advocate for sugar free. The more we talked, the more it dawned of me that if it’s low carb then it IS sugar free BUT sugar free does not always mean low carb if that makes sense. So some of my sugar substitutes wouldn’t sit in this lifestyle.
They seemed to both promote eating fats, which I think was where my restricted calorie diet was failing as I wasn’t feeling satiated and satisfied. A whole life of failing diets has taught me that when you are full, you are less likely to fall off the wagon and binge on junk food and carbs. I decided to give it a go and I can say that personally I am a lot more satisfied and not hungry between meals in the least. I do believe it’s a life style that is sustainable but its still very new for me.
I decided that I wanted to move a little more in this new direction but the focus of my blog will not and has not changed. Because unless made specifically for my kids, everything I eat and post will be low in carbs AND sugar free.
I’ve been doing a bit of research into ketones and ketosis since my friend went into how she pees on a stick daily and to be honest, that lost me for awhile because the last time I peed on a stick, I had to tell the kids we were no longer going on a holiday to America and that they would now have to share a room for the rest of their lives. So no peeing on sticks for me! I am however researching and trialling the whole ketones thing and will share with you my results if it turns out to be a sustainable thing.
However in the mean time, let me leave you with this delicious recipe!