Its been just over a month now and I feel I can tell my story with no emotions empowering me to curse people out. I did tell them that I was going to blog about what happened and that no names would be mentioned. So hi ladies! How's that sugar treating ya?
Your probably thinking… just shut up already and get to the point!
A month ago, a group of ladies that I have known for nearly 4 years, decided to have a play date party for the kids. We try to have a playdate every 2 - 6 months, so this was one to start off the new year. I'm going to be honest and say that I rarely go to these things at the best of times, because they are always on days that I work, but I might go to 2 a year. I met these group of ladies through a friend who did swimming lessons with my son and we hit it off. So I was the outsider bought into the group, through a friend of a friend. During the last 4 years I enjoyed going to these playdates and had been to 2 of them since starting this fructose free lifestyle.
However for this playdate, they thought it would be a waste of time inviting myself and my son, because we wouldn't be able to eat any of the food that was being served.
Fructose free outcasts apparently. I also want to point out the friend who invited me originally to be part of this playdate group, was away with her family on holidays when this whole scenario unfolded. She was the one who gave me the courage to even write this, by telling me that it might be something other people doing this journey may encounter.
How did I even know about this playdate in the first place? Surely they wouldn't be as brazen as to publicly invite everyone except me, in our private playdate page on Facebook… No,they would however post photos of the event on the page and declare it "the best party ever".
Apparently the person who posted the photos thought they had blocked me from being able to see them, as you can now exclude certain people from posts (my Facebook game must be pretty bloody low these days, because I didn't even know this was possible!!)
Well that was bloody awkward seeing pictures of a play date that I didn't even know was happening. But what was more awkward, was that the album was titled "SUGAR LOVERS PLAY DATE!" smiley face, smiley face!!
I think I stared at the album for a good 10 minutes, wondering if it was some type of g-up, joke, or if I had forgotten that we had been invited to a party.
So I did what I usually do, use sarcasm and a so called sense of humour to cover the pain and humiliation I was feeling.
I commented on the album
"Looks like a great party ladies, sorry that we didn't make the cut, I'm currently now eating sugar out of a bucket with a ladle in preparation for the next party and injecting sugar into the veins between my toes, because no one likes to turn up to a play date party covered in track marks. Can't wait for the next Sugar Lovers Playdate. Bring it!!"
Within a minute the whole album was deleted.
Now that was even more awkward.
Was I meant to have dreamed up the whole album? Does it not count now that the album is gone?
Within 5 minutes my messenger screen was lighting up with 5 different personal messages with messages of "sorry" "oh my god, I am so so sorry" and the trump card of sorry "f###k you were not meant to see that, I am so sorry".
So instead of answering each one separately, I just did a group message which I wrote
Me hey ladies, So, obviously I missed something..
Sugar Lover 1 I am so sorry, this was not meant to be taken personally, we didnt think you would be able to see the
album, as we blocked you from that post because we didnt want you to feel left out.
Sugar Lover 2 Please don't be mad or upset
Sugar Lover 3 This was not a personal thing
Me I'm just a little confused. Sugar Lovers Party?? The feeling isn't one of being left out, its one of
someone who feels they are getting sh*t put on them
Sugar Lover 4 No, just being silly. It was really a last minute decision and we thought you were away anyway
Me You were taking the piss out of me.
Sugar Lover 2 We were just trying to be funny, just a joke, no offense or anything
Sugar Lover 3 We just were having a naughty food play date and didn't think it would be nice to invite you
Me So I'm only allowed to come to the "healthy" play dates
Sugar Lover 1 You don't eat sugar, we were having a junk food play date. Why would you want to come?
Me I don't actually plan my social life around what menu is on offer
Sugar Lover 2 We didn't think it would be fair on you guys
Me Surely you could have had the decency to give me the choice to come or not.
Sugar Lover 1 You are taking this way out of context
Sugar Lover 3 This was done because we thought it was the right thing to do, please don't be mad.
Me I feel a little hurt to be honest.
Sugar Lover 4 Surely you can understand why we did it? Dont turn this into you being a victim because you are not.
we did it because we care.
Me I would rather talk to you guys face to face. Do you want to organise a catch up because I feel weird
doing this on Facebook.
I went to our little mothers group meeting with the intention of letting it go. I didn't want to start something over what could be an innocent gesture. Maybe they did have good intentions? I guess it could be seen as being mean, to invite the person who doesn't eat fructose to come to a sugar filled morning tea. The same morning teas that I have been going to all year, with the same foods that I haven't eaten all year… but hey lets not go there. I had actually come around and thought that yes, I probably was over reacting.
I arrived on time, but apparently didn't get the turn up early memo because everyone was already there. I felt a little intimidated, like I was a kid walking into a staffroom at lunch time, to ask for a spoon...
I tried to make light of the situation by saying "hey ladies, is this the sugar only section!" Woah bad idea!! Obviously everyone had been talking about what had previously happened and the consensus was that I had completely over reacted and that I was a b*tch.
"Not funny Jess, seriously you have no idea how ridiculous you have made this out to be. All it was, was lunch that you couldn't eat anyway. You have just made this out to be something its not. Everyone here feels bad for something that we shouldn't have to even feel bad about. You have blown this way out of proportion.
If we hadn't of stuffed up the privacy settings you wouldn't even have known about the party and we wouldn't be having to defend ourselves. Its ridiculous really. I don't know why we have to even talk about this? You need to get over it."
I truly was put on the back foot. I felt like I was being attacked and didn't expect things to go down like this. So I said:
"I completely understand that you thought that you were doing the right thing, but I really think I am big enough to make those decisions for myself. I didn't realise, I was giving off the vibe that being around you guys eating sugar was hard for me, because honestly its not."
The reply was
"You don't eat sugar, why would you even want to come. Its like inviting a vegetarian to a meat party. You just don't do it."
"Every mothers group you all bring the same sugar filled sh*t each week and not once have I ever said anything about it. Why would all of a sudden it be different for me. It's not like you actually had to change what you were bringing because I wasn't going to be there.
"we just get sick of being judged!" You judge us for not doing that stupid sugar thing, its really obvious. You even just called it "sugar shit". We just wanted to have one lunch without feeling bad."
"JUDGED!?! By me?? Am I the one putting albums up on Facebook saying "Lunch with the Sugar Rats or Lunch with the Disgusting sugar eating Club?? No. I have never said a single bloody thing and the truth is I couldn't give a donkeys golden a$$hole what you guys eat anyway?"How could I make you feel bad. All I do is bring a packed lunch that my son and I can eat and put it amongst all of the other shared food.
" You bring your sugar free stuff and act like your better than us and what we have is not good enough for you.
"How ?? Thats ridiculous!
"you just do"
"So I came here thinking this was about you guys looking out for me but it's more about you being able to eat your foods without being made to feel bad? So you didn't invite me, because you feel I judge you, not because you were looking out for me. What an absolute joke. (may have been some f-bombs thrown in randomly in this paragraph)
We just get sick of being judged. Surely you can see our point.
I seriously couldn't even comprehend at this point where this whole conversation was going and to be honest I have enough friends and genuine people in my life, that I didn't need to even try an make this into something that it was never going to be.
All I could do was laugh. I then told them that I will make their lives easier by removing myself from the group and therefore allowing the Sugar Natzi's to be who they truly are.
This of course was met with "your over reacting" "don't be like that" but the truth was, my feelings were really really hurt. I don't think they liked being called Sugar Natzi's either..
I can say without any doubt, that I have never ever made anyone feel that they should be partaking on this journey with me. I have never looked down or even looked sideways at someone giving their child a can of coke or a sugary treat. Why the hell would I?? That person was once me.
I do however feel proud of myself and carry myself with confidence that I am doing the right thing by myself and my family. I always bring my own foods, so that people don't have to be inconvenienced and I allow my children to partake in sugar treats every now and then, so that they can make the decisions for themselves.
I don't walk into a room like some Master Chef judge critiquing the foods in front of me "Hmm Jasmine, I see that plate of oreo fudge would have about 13 teaspoons of sugar per slice. DISGUSTING! How do you even live with yourself. You disgusting excuse for a human you!!
I am also not some Fructose Free Super Hero that goes around slapping chocolates out of peoples mouths and fly kicking them in the face when they have a sugar hit.
I don't think I am even the one making people feel bad. People do that to themselves. I don't even talk about what I am doing unless someone asks me a question about what I'm doing. I just don't feel the need to explain myself to people because who really cares what I put in my mouth.
I have had something similar to this happen early on in my journey. The difference was that these people genuinely thought by inviting me, it would tempt me into eating sugar and make it harder for me. All the same I felt left out, but after telling them, I could see that they felt absolutely terrible and it never happened again.
This time was different, it was like I was the one who should be feeling bad and that I had bought this all on myself. Aint nobody got time for that!
Fast forward to a month later and I'm 100 percent over it.
I'm also 100 percent not going back to that Play Date Group again.
I am happy to report that my life did not fall apart by letting go of people who weren't my real friends anyway.
I also received quite a few messages after it happened, basically saying how unreasonable I was and how I took the whole thing too far.
It made for a good life lesson and also reminded me how i'm too old for teeny boppy bullish*t.
So thanks ladies for giving me something to write about.
I salute you with my middle finger.
I do have some great recipes to share and will save that for tomorrows blog. Enjoy your weekend. I still have a sick child to contend with, so unfortunately my night of fun at a Hens night has changed to snuggles with the 2 year old on the couch.