It made it really hard at times to keep my chin up, when people were telling me that I was basically ruining my children's lives. That my children were going to turn out to be sugar junkies, injecting themselves with pure fructose in bathroom toilets, because I had kept it away from them when they were little.
Obviously I can’t see into the future, but when people start telling you that your kids are going to end up being sugar junkies, it does make you question if you are really doing the right thing.
My favourite time was when a cute old lady ripped sh*t off me when I was doing my groceries. All because she offered my kids some smarties and I told her that they don’t eat sugar. She literally launched into what seemed like the loudest speech ever, about how she has consumed sugar her whole life and there is nothing wrong with her and that I was being brainwashed.
Good times for all those staring at me getting torn a new a-hole by the cutest looking old lady in the shops wearing a fluro pink bum bag (note to all : don’t ever take advice from someone wearing a fluro bum bag…)
Then there was that time my supposed friends from mothers group held a little get together but didn’t invite me because I would make them feel “guilty” for eating sugar laden food. You know me, the person who has never ever said anything to anyone else about their food choices”. Strangely I have never spoken to any of those girls again.
I did run into one of them at the shops one day and screamed out “Sugar demon!” and threw some holy water (fructose free of course) at her and ran off and hid in the clothes racks… because thats what someone like me does.
I constantly get troll emails and messages through my website from people telling me that eating fats and creams will kill me and my children. A lot of emails saying not eating sugar will give me cancer and my personal favourite that sugar is an important part of our diets and that the whole sugar free thing is a conspiracy from the government. As the government is trying to boost the dairy industry and take attention off climate change because cattle are one of the biggest producers of poisonous gases that destroy the ozone layer.
Those bastard cows and their farts…. lucky they have the government support behind them.
Lately things have been quite, a little too quite. It is as if, everyone has accepted this is who I am and how my family rolls. Every event we go to, people seem to cater for us. You have no idea how touching it is to turn up to a BBQ and someone go “hey Jess, we made you a fructose free cheesecake for dessert”. OR we baked some fructose free cupcakes so the kids can have them too”. Never ever is this an expectation, because I know this is an effort for other people to have to go to, but holy shitballs do I appreciate it. Good times, good times.
On another note, I wanted to share a recipe that I was given by my PT for the 12 week challenge I am on. Seriously it is AMAZEBALLS. To the point I actually had to make 3 batches!!
This was because the 8 year old had friends over and no joke, they ate 12 biscuits leaving me 1… I could have fly kicked those little turds in the face.
So I made another batch cursing the whole time because no one likes baking because their kids are greedy little piglets.
Guess what? Those were devoured by the 2nd day. I may have had a hand in this but the 2 year old was like some biscuit addict/cookie monster and went to town on them, because guess who can now open the fridge by herself??
The only downfall to these biscuits, is that they will leave little bits of almond meal in your teeth. I found this out the hard way when I ate one and then went and did all my errands, spoke to about 6 different people and god knows who else saw my teeth. I got in the car to drive home and noticed in the rear view mirror that I literally had almonds specs all up in my teeth like in every crevice possible.. Thanks for the heads up guys.
More importantly, they also have the word “doodle” in them, which makes them a firm favourite of the 8 year old because what is more hilarious to a child then asking for a biscuit with a “rude” word in it.
You need to get onto these babies and bake them. Saaaaahhhhh amazing!!!!!
INGREDIENTS: 2 cookies = 1 serve
2 cups almond flour
1/4 tsp pink salt
1/4 tsp baking soda
5 Tbsp. coconut oil
1/4 cup Rice Malt Syrup
1 1/2 Tbsp. vanilla extract
1. Preheat oven to 175 degrees. Line 2 cookie sheets with bleach free parchment paper.
3. Mix dry ingredients together.
4. Melt coconut oil in a sauce pan over low heat. Mix wet ingredients together in a separate bowl. (i just put my coconut oil in the microwave to melt)
6. Mix wet into dry bowl and stir until all incorporated.
7. Scoop 1 Tbsp. of dough and roll it in a ball. Roll your ball of dough into the coating mixture and coat all the way.
8. Place your coated dough onto the cookie sheet and use a ball jar (grease the bottom with coconut oil/butter) and press down until your cookie is about 1/4 in thick. Lift up the jar and voila! (Thanks Urban Poser for the tip!)
9. Repeat for all of the dough. (We made about 20 cookies). Keep the smashed cookie dough 2-3 inches apart from each other, because they expand some.
10. Bake for 8 minutes. If you like them a little chewier-crunchy bake them for 10 minutes.
13. Let the cookies cool on the pan for 10 minutes (if you don’t they will fall apart when you try to pick them up!).
14. Carefully lift the soft cookies onto a plate. They will set hard
Happy Friday Y’all!!