Really bloody tired
Like so tired that I want to bring my pillow into the toilet and curl up in there and sleep. That is the only place in this house I get a second to myself. I had to work hard to earn that privacy in the toilet, it didn't come easy mind you. The kids were forever busting into the toilet wanting my company or just wanting to make sure that things were going well for me in there. Since I started adding more plants and vegan recipes into our diets, lets just say the kids know better than to open the toilet door without an oxygen mask. It took a lot of hard work to make them realise interrupting me on the toilet may mean loss of consciousness, but it was worth it. They now stay away. Serenity at last (I really need to work out a better place in the house to enjoy the serenity)
My sleep since Christmas Day has been sh*t. All in thanks to the latest member of our family "Minnie" the dog. Minnie makes my ovaries contract into a ball and try and self combust. Minnie reminds me of what life is like with a newborn. Minnie makes me remember what being sleep deprived is like. Minnie is a great form of contraception.
Every couple of hours I take her outside to go to the toilet. I then bring her back inside after about 10min of outside time. 9 times out of 10 she wants to use this time to play with me. I just want to go back to sleep, not play race around the house at 2am chewing on anything we can find. I could deal with the getting up to take her outside, if she actually used that time to do her business. Half the time she sniffs around, has a little explore and then walks in the door and pisses or sh*ts. Or she does a little pee on the grass as a sort of warm up, to the gigantic one she is planning to leave on the floor outside my bedroom 2 minutes after coming back inside.
She also likes to cry at the door and scratch to be let in. When the husband is home from work, I immediately appoint him to puppy duty. He starts to tell me some story about coming off night shift and how tired he is (blah blah blah) all this does is lead to a battle of who is the most tired. I would love to feel sorry for him being out at camp, having his dinner cooked and having no children to deal with, I really would. On the other hand, he would love to feel sorry for me being at home with the kids all day while he works 14 hours. We don't even pretend we care about the other ones tiredness. In our minds, we are both tired as fruc and could be cast as extras in the new season of the Walking Dead.
Add to this, me stupidly wanting to cram in every documentary on netflix before I go back to work (which can only be viewed when the kids are asleep) so I'm probably bringing in about 4 - 5 hours of broken sleep a night. I don't do 4-5 hours broken sleep a night. I was the type of kid that would invite people to sleep over their house and then sleep in till midday. Leaving them just sitting in my room awkwardly waiting for me to wake up. I don't do broken sleep. I turn into a evil mofo.
To top it all off, the 2 year old decided to time her latest bout of fevers and vomiting with me returning to work. Sick day on your 4th day back at works looks really professional doesn't it! I like to tell myself she made herself sick cause she loves me so bloody much and doesn't want me to go back to work but according to the doctor its a throat infection and virus (pfft what does he know).
Being tired does a lot of things to me mentally. I wouldn't say it affects my willpower as such, but it gives me the mental attitude of "I couldn't give a crap"
So today at work when morning tea was served up and I had forgotten to pack something just incase there was nothing I could eat. I had that moment in my head where I was like "pfft who cares just eat it". I also hadn't had breakfast and dinner was pretty dismal the night before, so my stomach was speaking to me and demanding that I grab some biscuits or cake stat.
I didn't because it wasn't what I was hungry for. I grabbed a glass of water and pretended it was vodka (it didn't help) and then literally counted down the seconds till lunch time.
When lunch was served, I pretty much filled my plate to the brim and would have looked like that person who goes to a buffet, that you can't come back for seconds for. I had meat balancing on potatoes, that were balancing on pasta, that was balancing on chicken, that was balancing on sweet potato, that was balancing on salad.
When I got to my mums place after work to pick up the 2 year old who couldn't go to daycare, I spied a massive box of chocolates. I went over and opened them. I picked out one and tried to convince myself I needed a little pick me up before I went to Oztag training. A bit of energy. What was one chocolate going to do? I unwrapped the chocolate and put it in my mouth and then spat it in the bin.. It reminded me of that time I went on the "taste diet". I found this diet online that recommends you chew up everything that you desire and then spit it into the bin before you can swallow the calories… What the hell?? I actually did that diet for a week, until my husband thought I had some type of eating disorder and was spewing in the bin… awkward. I mean how do you go about that diet socially. Don't mind me guys, just going to be chewing up my dessert here and then I'm just going to spit it into a cup. The theory was to trick your tastebuds. Another crazy diet to add to my collection.
To put it into perspective, everyone these days seems to be tired. So much to do, so little time to do it. I find my sweet tooth seems to make a bit of a comeback on these days. I don't know if its from habit of just grabbing something on the run, or if my care factor just resorts back to zero. Its days like today, that I have to be organised and have something in the fridge or freezer to grab quickly, otherwise I'm going to find myself at the shops and probably in the confectionary isle. Once again failure to prepare is preparing to fail..
Tonight I stumbled across something delicious, purely by accident. I had bought 6 packets of blueberries, raspberries and strawberries last week on sale and had frozen them. My goal was to turn them into "ice cream" for the kids in the thermomix.
I usually add some dextrose (depending on the sweetness) and then a tiny bit of cream to make it more like ice-cream. Tonight when I opened the cream, it smelt exactly like what my husband has been releasing from his bottom lately, so straight into the wheelie bin it went. I saw that there was a carton of sour cream with about 200gm in it and decided to just chuck it in with the frozen blitzed fruit. The result was magnificent. It tasted like a frozen yoghurt. The 7 year old went back for 3rds and I was trying to lick the bowl. I would never have thought to add sour cream to frozen berries but it worked.
Praise Thermomix Gods.
Tomorrow is Friday!! That calls for me to release some amazing recipes! Will post them tomorrow, so stay tuned!!