When I think about her journey into the world of Fructose Free living it really reminds me of an exorcism out of the movies.
“I CAST THEE OUT SUGAR DEMONS”
<insert 2 year old scaling up the walls with her head rotating 360 degrees >
She really has been the absolute worst out of all the family members and that is only because she is the most vocal. She is literally the only member of the family to put up any resistance. We only have to walk past someone eating something and she automatically decides that she needs that thing then and there in her life and will call upon the souls of a thousand dead banshees to get her way.
Yesterday we were shopping and she was happily chatting away munching on her sugar free biscuit in one hand and taking bites out of her apple with the other hand. Absolutely loving life, until we walked past someone eating a sushi roll, but her brain interpreted it as a (wait for it ) a ‘big yummy chocolate stick.’
Then it was on for young and old
“I WANT CHOCOLATE STICK”
“Thats not a chocolate stick thats made out of rice and seaweed”
“NO CHOCOLATE STICK”
“Its not a chocolate Stick”
“Its sushi, what your brother eats that you don’t like”
“Its not, its a chocolate stick”
“It isn’t a chocolate stick, you will hate it”
“I neeeeeeed a chocolate stick”
PLAN A initiate
“Ok, well if you are good you can get one before we go”
PLAN B initiate
“You have no manners you will get nothing”
(puts on the fakest smile and raises her voice an octive to sound like a chipmunk) “Please mummy, may i please have a chocolate stick”
Sweet mother of I’m about to lose my sh*t here
“Its sushi not chocolate”
“No its not”
“Yes it is”
“No its not”
“Yes it is”
This was clearly not working.
PLAN C, D, E and F initiate
I then tried to convince her that I had no money, that they had no chocolate sticks left, that we were going to find the chocolate stick shop, that the chocolate stick shop is just up around that next corner, then the next corner. All were met with whinging and sooking.
Nothing had worked, so I decided that she can have her “so called chocolate stick” and went and bought her some sushi. She took one look at it and smacked it out of my hand screaming in my face, “THAT IS NOT A CHOCOLATE STICK”. (no sh*t Sherlock)
I automatically saw red. No one, smacks sushi out of my hand and gets away with it.
So I then snarled and in my angriest voice said, “You are a naughty girl and you will get no chocolate stick”
You would swear I just told her that Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were not real and that I was cancelling her birthday because the tears were like that of a flowing waterfall and the cry was one of heart break and desperation. All I was thinking about was the $3.20 sushi that was covering my shopping bags, the sushi that I was actually going to eat…
Using all my strength and the serenity of buddha, I tried to shut out the noise and pretend that it was not my child that everyone was looking at, who was now whimpering something about a chocolate stick between soul piercing shrieks of death.
Seriously all this over a freaking chocolate stick…. DAM YOU TO HELL SUGAR!!
I still had to go to the bank, put money on a lay-by and finish off my shopping and my stress level was at a “lets just get the hell out of here before I explode level”. The 2 year old was not giving up on wanting this chocolate stick and finally I cracked.
“Ok I will get you a chocolate stick as long as you stop whinging and do not make another sound till we get home!!!”
She whimpered and said “I’m not a naughty girl, I’m a good girl”.
So the tears were now not even for the chocolate stick anymore, they were from being yelled at and called a naughty girl 15 minutes ago.
“Yes you are a good girl, but sometimes you make naughty girl decisions. Lets just go get you a chocolate stick and then get our jobs finished and get the hell out of here”
“No thank you mummy, I’ll just have my apple”