When the 8 year old was much younger, I thought I was Mother of the Year material because he made it to the age of 5 without drinking Coke. However he was drinking Fanta and Lemonade and whether I honestly didn't know or I just chose not to believe, I thought it wasn't as sugary as Coke and therefore a good alternative. Here I was judging people for giving their kids Coke and I was really just as bad.
It was the husbands birthday and we decided to celebrate his special day by going out to lunch. The 8 year old had asked if he could have a glass of lemonade because it was a very special day.
Can I just point out that only 3 days earlier he had asked if we could have a can of lemonade to celebrate the fact that when we got home from school the dog had not dug a hole in the yard and this was worth celebrating because I wasn’t angry for once (very good point).
The 8 year old then had me in cheque mate when he said “but mum, I was allowed to have a can of lemonade for your birthday lunch, how come dads isn’t as special as yours”…
Oh sh*t! How the hell do I get out of that one.
I literally had nothing.
He then said “the only time I have had a soft drink this year is at your birthday, my birthday, Uncle Dans birthday and Pops birthday. Why can’t I have one at Dad’s birthday, that will make Dad feel very sad.
Actually, your Dad won’t feel sad but he will probably store the info to use against me in some type of argument at a future date!”
“What do you mean, your going away for a boys weekend”
“I thought it was only fair since apparently the day I came out of my mothers who-ha, wasn’t special enough for a celebratory lemonade for the 8 year old.. this boys weekend will be the only thing that allows me to heal from the grief caused by it……..”
So to save any future therapy session for the husband, I said “ok you can have one glass, since today is special but that is all” (I had just been totally played by the 8 year old)
Thats when all hell decided to break loose.
“Mummy, can I please have a lemonade, please mummy”.
Two pleases, holy crap the 2 year old means business.
We have been in this same situation many times in the last 3 months. Whatever and I mean whatever the 8 year old has, the 2 year old must have as well. Even things the 2 year doesn’t actually want but if the 8 year old shows any interest in it, then it must be hers.
I tried all the usual responses like :
“eww lemonade is yucky”
“ouch its very hot”
“oh no the lemonade is all gone, no more”
The favourite of the guy at the table next to us was:
“its got poo poo in it”, to which she replied “yum, i love poo poo”.
Then she said, (wait for it ) “mummy, its Daddys birthday a special lemonade day”.
GODDAM you being able to comprehend things now!! I want my baby back!!
I then tried to be all sneaky and bring her back a water with some lemon in it. She looked at her brothers and saw no lemon and then looked at hers and saw no bubbles. Sh*t was going to hit the fan.
I was so proud that the 2 year old was nearly 20 days out from turning 3 and hadn’t had soft drink. I did not want to break that streak now. I knew that I was 100 percent in control of this decision and the only way she would get it, was if I gave in but lets look at the all the facts.
We are in a packed restaurant at lunch time.
It was my husbands birthday and we were surrounded by family and wanted to enjoy his birthday lunch with him.
If the 2 year old lost her sh*t which was minutes away, the whole restaurant was going to be affected and I would have to go outside so she didn’t disrupt other people eating.
The 2 year old doesn’t do short tantrums, my food would be cold and we both wouldn’t eat.
The 8 year old was maintaining full eye contact with the 2 year old whilst sipping his lemonade whispering “this is the best drink I have ever had”
I went up to the bar and asked for half lemonade and half soda water. Better than full lemonade (well thats how I made myself feel a little better about my decision)
Now to all those people who say that sugar doesn’t have an affect on kids behaviour or personality, you should have seen the 2 year old. Holy Mother of Sugar Highs.
Within 5 minutes of her first mouthful she turned into a sugar drunk. She was literally yelling at the top of her lungs
“IM DRINKING LEMONADE”
(yeh thanks for that, now everyone knows i gave you soft drink).
Then she stood up in her chair and actually started dancing and singing “I love lemonade, i love lemonade!”
It was like watching a video of myself out on the pi$$..
She then felt the need to run up and down the wheel chair ramp behind her table as if she was in the finals for the 50m dash.
I looked at my sister in law and said “this is what sugar does to a 2 year old”… Im pretty sure she no longer wants to have kids and this wasn’t even on full sugar.
She was an absolute menace. My Dad who does not like kids running amok in restaurants, was about to tie her to her highchair in an attempt to ride out this sugar high.
I basically inhaled my meal and decided that I had to get her over to the beach to run it off. The 8 year old was sitting there in his element, enjoying his lemonade beverage and I’m sure I saw him shake his head and whisper “rookie” at the 2 year old.
The 2 year old literally drank about a quarter of her glass but that was enough for her to get that sugar hit. You would have thought I had just ordered her sugar on the rocks the way she was carrying on.
On the drive home, I made a huge point of telling her that we only ever have lemonade on very very special days because it makes us go way too crazy. The 2 year old nodded and said “its my dads birthday its special lemonade day!” The 8 year old then re-hashed some story he had heard from us about birthdays being special and that if we had lemonade all the time it would no longer be special”. He then told her that sugar is not good for kids and makes them sick. It made me feel all warm inside knowing he understood the whys and the importance of things being special.
We drove along in silence until the 2 year old pipes up “its my birthday soon and we are going to have lemonade YAY!!!!”
SWEET MOTHER OF HELL NO
What have I created?????
All I can think of is, that lucozade will now become our families official birthday soft drink of choice.