So Monday morning rolls around and I look in the cupboard and realise that my kid is going to be "that kid" turning up with the most random array of food imaginable. Some almonds, a packet of chips ( that I'm sure were from a party bag in August), a piece of cheese and a seen better days carrot. My poor son was going to be opening his lunch box next to the kids who parents make their own sushi, put smiley faces on their roast chicken sandwiches and have an array of fruit and vegetables that look like a picture from a magazine.
To his credit, the 8 year old is not a fussy child. He is a roll with the punches and is happy with his routine of vegemite and cheese cruskits, fruit salad, home made slice and biscuits and homemade yoghurt or custard. However this was not his regular lunch and I didn't think putting vegemite on his almonds were going to sit well with him.
You see having a fructose free pantry, means you have a lot of the staples for making stuff but nothing pre made. So when you are a lazy ass mother like I had chosen to be and didn't do your weekly bake up, then it really shows.
I couldn't let the 8 year old go to school with a floppy carrot and told him to get his sh*t together quickly, cause we were going to SPARS to get some things for his lunch. You would swear I had just told him we were going to a 5 Michigan star restaurant because he was way too excited. I knew something was not right, he was being too compliant. He got his clothes on in record time and I didn't even have to threaten him with death trying to get him out the door. Before we left, I quickly scoured the cupboard once more, in the hope of finding something amazing that would redeem my unorganised crappy mum status. NO DEAL.
We got to SPAR and my instincts were spot on. The 8 year old knew exactly what he wanted and ran straight over to the premade lunch packs. They are apparently the ones that hopes and dreams are made of. In reality it is a poppa, pack of chips ( apparently my stale chips weren't good enough) a packet of tiny teddies, a snak pack custard and a piece of fruit. The lunch of champions. He was so excited at the prospect of buying this lunch pack, that I thought he was going to break into song. Then holy mother of all things Dora the Bloody Explorer, he found one lunch pack that had a Dora poppa in it and excitedly showed it to his sister. So now I had the 2 year old jumping up and down screaming with excitement as if we had won the lotto.
Apparently everyone has these packs for their lunch at school ( I didn't feel so bad now ) and the 8 year old needed this in his life and couldn't wait to eat it. Finally he could be the same as everyone else. All I saw was sugar and nothing really substantial. All the 2 year old saw was Dora and tiny teddies. Satan was about to raise his ugly head again via the 2 year old, I could feel it coming.
I told them they could get the lunch packs but they would need to get two pieces of fruit and a sandwich as well. My one request was the fruit and sandwich had to be eaten before starting the lunch pack.
You seriously would have sworn I told them that our family was going off the grid Bear Grylls style and they would be required to eat the juice from an elephant turd and the intestines of a week old dead zebra before having the lunch pack.
The 8 year old grabbed his fruit whilst whinging that he would not have time to play if he had to eat the fruit and sandwich before the other stuff. I told him to think of it as a man vs food challenge and make me proud. He just rolled his eyes as if to say "lame joke d&ckhead."
The two year old was like " righto, whatever you say, but you know I'm going to be ripping into those tiny teddies before we even leave the car park..."Fruit, yep sure totes onto it"
As I went to the register I saw that two mums infront of me were carrying these lunch packs and the lady who just walked in was also headed in their direction. Man I need to go into the lunch pack business.
As we got in the car, I told the 8 year old to enjoy his snack pack and it can be a treat. You couldn't wipe the smile off his face. The 2 year old as predicted was already trying to tear through a Muslie bar with her bat teeth.
When I picked up the 8 year old from school that afternoon, I asked the usual questions and got the usual response, that my school fees are apparently paying for "nothing" as he did nothing today. Although when you are tying to get him to go to bloody sleep at night, he will happily tell you a minute by minute recount of how amazing his day was and what he learnt...
I asked how his lunch was and he said
"The snak pack was disgusting"
"The muesli bar was too sweet"
"The tiny teddies were nice"
"The Poppa was like petrol" ( not dramatic at all)
And he only ate the sandwich and the apple.
The 2 year old also hadn't eaten her Muslie bar, had devoured half of her tiny teddy biscuits, refused the poppa and nearly spat the snak pack out in my face.
However she did manage to score a strawberry milk from a radio station car giving away goodies, so that may have filled her up.
The 8 year old declared the lunch pack as something he would not like tomorrow and on hearing the word "lunch" the 2 year old declared that she was hungry and needed me to get her food stat before she apparently died.
Some days you feel like that mother of the year trophy is totally yours and other days you do what you have to do to get by.
Some days are salads and vegetable quiches and other days are nuggets and chips that turn into 3 nights of nuggets and chips because your husband bought you an air fryer and man do they make good nuggets and chips....
I was always told that failure to prepare means preparing to fail and that is me this week. I would love to say I went grocery shopping the next day but it was my day off and I had a 3 hour Nanna nap instead. Today is Thursday..... lets just say thank God for staying at Grandparents houses with their delicious foods during the week.
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