Once again I have managed to totally dismiss my blog for a long time… however I have some pretty dam good excuses.
Firstly there was the little incident with the cyber stalking. Yes one of my little Nigerian friends who still continue to believe that this is a site where I find them a sugar mumma (they obviously don’t bother to read a single bloody blog entry and therefore have no idea what the hell is going on) somehow found out my private email and then my private facebook account and pretty much bombarded me with messages. I couldn’t even log onto facebook without 99 messages a day and then my email started getting spammed with them. This got to the point where my phone was going flat because it was constantly going off. On one day I received 223 facebook private messages to my blog page, then 104 to my messenger and wait for it 147 emails. This is not some made up number to make this entry sound good, this is the truth!! I thought that blocking would work but each person I blocked, another would replace. It was insane. At one point I had blocked from my facebook blog page a total of 87 people, who I’m pretty sure was just 1 person creating different profiles.
So I spent a good month making sure that all connections to my blog and my personal life were non-existent. Yes there is a huge chunk of people who know me in real life and that this is my blog, they also know how incredibly good looking and modest I am, but more importantly they know not to mess with my facebook account because I have a tight schedule of stalking and these x boyfriends, new girlfriends, cousins, brothers aren’t going to stalk themselves. They also know that my life does not and will never revolve around finding them a sugar mumma or a sugar dada…. My business is eliminating sugar and destroying my kids’ lives in the process.
Luckily I have some friends who know their sh*t around computers and were able to make sure that my phone no longer beeps 101 times during the night with messages. They also linked up some MacGuyver sh*t to make sure this never happens again. Try explaining to your husband without smiling that you have no idea why some Nigerian prince is messaging you at 1am.
Secondly I was busy losing 15.5kg in my 12 week challenge with Griffin Personal Training and taking out second place in doing so. Yeh no biggie, I lost the equivalent of my 2 year old from my body… And I did it by exercising hard and sticking to a very strict diet that was fructose free. Looking at my before and after photos it is really hard to believe that I was the same person. From having a massive slump and lack in motivation in my fructose free journey to totally doing a 360 and beginning to enjoy life and eating again. I can’t believe how amazing my results were in only 12 weeks. You know I worked dam hard for it, but I think being able to sink back into my fructose free lifestyle gave me a bit of an advantage. However, more about my weight loss journey in my next blog entry.
I have just started writing a book (did you just roll your eyes). Well this had been in the works for a little while but things took a different direction last month when I decided that I needed to believe more in myself and be true to myself like I have been since day 1 of this blog.
A long story short, I had someone show some interest in my blog and my writing and wanted me to put something together for them. I was completely floored that someone would actually think people would want to read anything I wrote, let alone pay to read it. However it soon became evident that certain products needed to be mentioned, even though I had never used them in my journey and that my story wasn’t really sounding like my story at all.
It started to sound more like a fairy-tale, then the mess that was my life. I felt like I was taking all the good and dismissing all the bad. I was also very restricted in adding new material that hadn’t featured on my blog and this was an area that didn’t sit well with me. Why would people want to pay for something they could look at on my blog. I wanted to add my personal stories that never made the blog, but obviously meant enough for me to write in my private journal where no one could judge me. I wanted to include these pieces to the puzzle that has been my journey and not some edited version where all the pieces just fell into place and life was good, because we all know that life has its fair share of bad moments. I also wanted to dive into my past experiences in my life that got me to this stage in my weight loss journey. Baby food diet anyone???
So in-between writing and re-writing a version of my life that I was going to be paid for, I started writing my real story. It was only 3 chapters just a taste of what I could do. They were honest, dirty, funny and ultimately my family. Add to that playing constant referee to the kids, since the 2 year old has declared war on the 8 year old and life was really, really hectic and blogging got pushed to the back.
I was also really struggling mentally with the whole project, as I was torn between following my heart and creating something I could be proud of, verses indulging my ego with the fact I was writing a book that someone wanted to hopefully publish.
I decided that that only thing I could do was seek the opinion of someone who was not invested emotionally or financially in my adventure. Someone who wouldn’t try and stroke my ego or tell me what they thought I wanted to hear. I had one friend in mind straight away, who I knew I could trust to be honest. The one friend that destroyed my life on numerous occasions by saying things like “what the hell are you wearing” (when I thought I looked dammn fine) “ that haircut makes you look like a cabbage patch doll who was rejected from the factory” (my new fringe) “ no you don’t need seconds I think your firsts are being stored in your chin” (I really wanted seconds of dessert) and my favourite “you need to change your profile picture on facebook you look like a tramp” (it was my best duckface ever…).
I gave her both copies of my story and told her that I needed her to be completely honest and tell me if:
A) they were any good
B) she would pay to read them
C) they would be worth continuing
Her response was something like “ So you wrote them?? Good, I need some new reading material to put me to sleep at night” (sahhh nice). I told her that I may have written one of them but I wasn’t going to tell her which one.
What I didn’t expect to get back from her 2 days later, was my papers looking like a high school English teacher had vomited red pen and all over them. Let’s just say she took her role of looking at them very seriously.
After looking at the page and trying not to have a stroke from all the red crosses and scribbles, I decided that I didn’t want to know what she thought because obviously it was not going to be good news.
Her exact words were, “you wrote this one and you got your husband to write this one using your blog as a guide”. The one my husband supposedly wrote had barely any scribbles over it… she obviously took pleasure in destroying the one that she thought was mine.
So what do you think?? I actually had butterflies in my stomach and felt really nervous and sick waiting to hear her response.
She held up both of them and said “this one reads like you wrote it with pure hatred for the English language and all things grammatical correct”. Did you even proof read it??? Do you have any respect for the English language at all??
She had a point, it definitely wasn’t as polished as the second one. I had re-read it a couple of times, however when your 2 year old is lying next to you with Dora the Explorer at full volume on the ipad, you kind of give up. Add to that trying to get two different writing tasks pumped out in 21 days, doesn’t really leave much time to get my editing on. Apparently the Grammar Natzi was not impressed with my efforts.
She dropped the one my husband supposedly wrote in my lap and said “At least your husband takes some pride in his work (I had re-written this one so many times, I nearly knew the script off by heart.) She then decided to twist the knife that little bit further into my heart by saying “Maybe you need to ask your husband to re-write this one out for you again so it doesn’t read like a dyslexic 4 year old wrote it….”
Before I could even launch into my re-buttal (which I had been planning mentally the moment I saw all the red pen)she said, “Honestly yours is hilarious. I loved it. I really, really did. I mean your husband’s is good but it’s missing the sense of humour that yours has and it seems like an old person wrote it. I dunno, I felt engaged when I wasn’t growing a brain tumour from your terrible grammar..”
That was all I needed to hear, it was what my heart knew the whole time. However just to make sure my heart (who has been known to get me into trouble before: Insert x-fiancé, bad financial choices and getting scammed by that homeless man) was completely right, I got 5 other people to read and give me their opinion as well….
Turns out, the heart was right after all.
However deciding to write and publish your own works is not easy. It is not cheap and it means that it all comes down to one person. I don’t have the luxury of someone financially backing my first print or doing it at cheap prices, but what I do have is complete control of what I do and don’t write.
So after busting my absolute ring trying to push out a copy for an interested investor, I am back to square one. However I am a little bit excited to keep going and see where it takes me.
I do know that my book is going to be a warts and all account of my families journey to date. It’s going to be funny, rough around the edges and I’m also going to push myself completely out of my comfort zone and publish some of my personal journal entries and stories that I didn’t feel I was strong enough to put out there at the time. It won’t be a rehash of blog entries, although some stories are given in a little bit more detail. It will also have recipes and a giving up sugar guide for dummies!!
So as you can see my absence hasn’t been me just lying in a hammock whilst my children fan me with a palm leaf, whilst gently rocking me to sleep… we all know that in reality that scene would actually be the 2 year old climbing all over my face as I tried to rest and then the 8 year old somehow hitting the 2 year old in the face with the palm leaf and a brawl breaking out on top of my body, ending in me being turfed out of the hammock, that would now be being used as a swing.
So ladies and gentleman and those still trying to look for a sugar mumma, I am back and this time I am here to stay. So prepare to get inundated with blog entries and sneak peaks of the book in progress.